What is a home, anyway?

Here are a few fine quotes expounding on the idea of 'home' ~

Every one of us needs a home. The world needs a home.
There are so many young people who are homeless.
They may have a building to live in, but they are homeless in their hearts.
That is why the most important practice
of our time is to give each person a home.
- Thich Nhat Hanh

Home is any four walls that enclose the right people.
- Helen Rowland

My home…It is my retreat and resting place from wars,
I try to keep this corner as a haven against the tempest
outside, as I do another corner in my soul.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne, 1533 – 1592

He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

and these gems ~

One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don’t come home at night.
- Margaret Mead

Bring love into your home for this is where our
love for each other must start.
- Mother Teresa

I found these quotes in an incredible photographer's blog by Steve McCurry, one of the world's great travelers too. This journal of a lifetime of photos (so far) from an award-winning National Geographic photographer helps picture an "important world elsewhere".

Here are a few more I have found on my own, which I hope you enjoy ~

Who has not felt how sadly sweet
The dream of home, the dream of home,
Steals o’er the heart, too soon to fleet,
When far o’er sea or land we roam?
-Thomas Moore (1779–1852),The Dream of Home.


’Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,
Be it ever so humble, there ’s no place like home;
A charm from the skies seems to hallow us there,
Which sought through the world is ne’er met with elsewhere.
-J. Howard Payne (1792–1852)


Peace and rest at length have come
All the day’s long toil is past,
And each heart is whispering, “Home,
Home at last.”
-Thomas Hood (1799–1845, Home at last


Ay, now am I in Arden: the more fool I. When I was at home I was in a better place; but travellers must be content.
-William Shakespeare (1564–1616), As You Like It. Act ii. Sc. 4.


And the star-spangled banner, oh long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
-Francis Scott Key (1779–1843), The Star-Spangled Banner.


From our own selves our joys must flow,
And that dear hut, our home.
-Nathaniel Cotton (1707–1788), The Fireside. Stanza 3.

Maybe We Should Be Grateful

These last few days I have been watching the Costa Concordia ship lying submerged in the Mediterranean Sea near Giglio Island with great interest. It has not completely sunk, and for that we should be grateful.

I'm not exonerating the captain from steering the ship onto rocks and leaving it as soon as possible to save his own life, thus creating a shocking vacuum of power when it was most needed.

Perhaps the fact that the ship landed where it did, and was almost completely evacuated in two hours, is little short of miraculous. If the ship had been in open water, it might very well have sunk quickly, bringing catastrophic loss of life. As it is now, Carnival Cruises and Costa Lines will have to carry most of the financial burden.

How quickly people forget these disasters. I went on a cruise, four of us in my family, around the Greek islands in March 2007, on the Louis Cruises Sea Diamond. One week after we disembarked, the very next cruise, the Sea Diamond, carrying about 1,537 passengers, hit rocks off the island of Santorini in the afternoon. We saw photos of crew members we had spoken to only days before. She sank overnight, fortunately after passengers were evacuated through rough waves, and only two passengers died.

Here is a good photo of the Sea Diamond:

Sea Diamond 

 Here is a photo of the Sea Diamond before she sank:

Sea Diamond, April 5, 2007

The point is, these incidents are disturbing, and yet neither involved loss of life, only loss of enormous, important ships. We could have been on it, but we weren't. For that we  count our blessings.

Here were three of us posing. We had a fabulous trip.

"The Help": Educational and Interesting

Recently, I read The Help by Kathryn Stockett reluctantly, worried it might not be sympathetic to African Americans. Turns out, I could not have been more mistaken. I enjoyed the book immensely, for its entertainment and pedagogical value. It's an important book and should have been easily published.

I have to say, the book made me feel and think about southern civil rights in ways that were new. The author's goal was to entertain, not to create any perception of a well-rounded agenda of further action that needs to be delivered to ignorant masses of white Americans. The author's audience is much larger, and more elusive, and points politely at  important issues, at least those of the time.

The author's major contribution is to voice the sentiments of  southerners in a way that is entertaining enough to be digested by mass populations not knowledgeable on the subject. I believe another book of the same caliber of entertainment on the subject has not been written since the original story of Gone with the Wind first published in 1936. It was an immense epic that idolized the old south and rich white people, and starred African-Americans only in secondary roles, with the exception of Scarlett O'Hara's Overseer.

The author claims much of it is fiction, despite the fact that a maid of the author's brother is suing her for using her in a story, which is rather a remarkable outcome, I would guess. Even if part of it is fiction, she must have gotten the material from somewhere, although I am not saying for a second the author lifted material from an actual person. I wouldn't know that. Maybe that's the trouble, I am confused about what's fact in the book, and what's fiction.

While I can in no way portray myself as an expert on the civil rights or factual content in The Help, anyone I have talked to about the book has taken away different historical references to chew on.

In an entertaining memoir I have just read, The Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson, references to a few injustices in the deep south were explained in a matter-of-fact way, and broadened my understanding of social injustices - one of my favorite topics on this blog, by the way. When I was about thirteen, I read Margaret Mitchell's "Gone with the Wind" as I drove with my parents to a wedding on a three-day trip through northern Ontario, and the heat of that book warmed me for weeks, if not months.

I can't resist my opportunity to be supportive of an author against the unkind, hate-filled words of an opposing organization. I read a review of "The Help by Rebecca Wanzo in the Huffington Post which mentioned an organization with which I am unfamiliar, the Association of Black Historians. This Association has written an angry notice on its website directed to fans of The Help and in doing so, is amplifying racial overtones. Here are my reactions to their accusations, although I am only one person, and they are an entire organization.

The website notice by the Association is guilty of slews of oxymorons combining contradictory terms. It surprises me they should backlash against someone who has portrayed an era with sympathy for the workers, as Gone with the Wind did not, at least not as much. I just can't understand the unkindness of all those group members. Kathryn Stockett has depicted inequalities in ways they have not, at least as an organization, and it comes off as a rant of jealousy, bitterness, and is inaccurate, at best. It is a fiendishly topic to make interesting, isn't it?

Any foreigner in search of reliable information about the deep south wants to find it doled out in a palatable, entertaining way. I think the writers of that vituperative manifesto on the website have made several errors, which are rather obvious.

The stereotypical aspects of the novel elude me because I do not know any persons like the characters in the book. They may provide stereotypes to persons familiar with the content. I am just saying these roles are an introduction of fictional characters in a novel, no more, and no less. Certainly, they are not stereotypes to me.

The website, to make its point, states that The Help has sold "over three million copies, and heavy promotion of the movie will ensure its success at the box office." Numerous  books and movies have been flops despite huge budgets on top of "heavy promotion" so that's a clear oxymoron.

To say Kathryn Stockett's portrayal of representatives of "90 percent of working black women in the south" in the 1960s (a shockingly high number to me), is just a "disappointing resurrection of Mammy" is another oxymoron. I have not ever read such a well-rounded, sympathetically detailed description of the everyday life of  1960s African-American female (90% of them, after all, which is a point the author is making, too) in Mississippi. Not ever. That's a large number of the population with which many of us in the world, and even within the United States, are unfamiliar. 

I don't believe there is a lot of nostalgia for the 1960s in Mississippi in the book. Certainly, the book highlights the wrongs with that way of life, surely, when "a black woman could only hope to clean the White House rather than reside in it." Excuse me, but weren't female bathrooms installed for Senators only recently? We're all in this together, we women. The Vatican in Rome, Italy, had the longest line to women's (not to the men's) bathrooms I have ever seen in all my days!

The note says the black maids in the book are portrayed as "asexual" (without giving examples, but I do not agree).  Aren't  most maids in the novel married? Also, "loyal"? I think Minny was one of the most independent and disloyal of all maids I have ever read about..

Also, the letter of the historians misspells "smart" to "smat" and complains about spelling "Lord" -- "Law" although the entire linguistic attention showed a reader the dialect of southern speech in highlights as other classic southern stories have, so that the sounds of the voices could not be ignored.

The letter also complains about the sexual harassment and abuse of all kinds in the homes of white employers. Considering I thought that had gone out of style with the Civil War, the sheer volume of abuse detailed in the book was news to me. I think the author did an excellent job, even if the detailed abuses were not as deep as these Black Historians would have liked. This is a fictional novel; it is not the work of a historian. The author can say what she likes. After all, isn't she taking the blame by being sued, and for bearing the generational brunt of black female historians like these women?

White supremacist organizations like the White Citizens Council, I had never heard of in my life.  Perhaps the author wrote what she knew about, firsthand, which wasn't the Ku Klux Klan. (These are groups that believe they are "protecting" those of European origin and are anti-immigration). That is the right of the fiction novelist....One of her themes had to do with the unsaid rules of society. Far from "stripping" black women's lives of historical accuracy "for the sake of entertainment" I think the novel reveals valuable new ways of looking at old problems. It shines a new light on the topic of deep south society in the early '60s, the mistakes and the changes that needed to happen to correct them, rather than stripping it of importance. I don't know of anyone who thinks those days were better than  today. One of the goals of the novel, I think, is to highlight the racism of genteel white society in the bad old days of the early 1960s.

If the movie makes light of real fears and turns them into moments of comic relief, then that is truly a travesty, I agree. If so, I sympathize. I am surprised about the choice of actresses in the movie. I would have cast roles differently after reading the book, specifically Hilly.

I would have preferred to see certain disturbing scenes of the book  edited out -  specifically, about the intruder (which was edited out of the movie), and even the cake, the point of which, as "insurance" Hilly would not go after the maids is questionable to me - and I think it would have made as strong an impact. As well as being entertaining, this novel and movie, triumph because of the importance of the topic.

 The Help doesn't promise anywhere within the text to be a well-rounded historically accurate depiction of the sociological implications of the 1960s in Mississippi. The amazing contribution is that it's better entertainment than many alternatives out there, in a socially sensitive area where few others have succeeded, and been as educational. The Association has suggested further books to read on it's website. I hope they are interesting, and I will write reviews if they are.

How To Have More Meaning and Happiness in Life

What really gives people meaning and happiness is a combination of four things:

1. Control over what they're doing.
2. Progress in what they're pursuing.
3. Connectedness: being connected with others, and 
4. Belonging: Being part of something they enjoy that's bigger than themselves.

 from "When Rich People Do Stupid Things" Motley Fool

A List of My All-Time Favorite Hymns

Today's service at Washington D.C.'s National Cathedral online was excellent. Lent will begin very soon, and this week was all about how to stop worrying. Stress relief is always a popular "quality of life" topic.

The sermon by The
Rev. Jan Naylor Cope, who has incidentally earlier been a Deputy
Director in the White House, and President of an executive search firm,
had the excellent idea that "you can't be generous and grateful and
greedy all at the same time." What a wonderful "theme of the week."

One suggestion by Cathedral Dean Samuel T. Lloyd III is to take ten minutes to read the text from Matthew  6: 24-34 (below) every day and think about it, and it will help our worries disappear completely, even sleep problems. Great idea! Read it and believe it.

Here's the text:

Matthew 6:24–34

The Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ according to Matthew.

Jesus said, “No one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other.You cannot serve God and wealth.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns,and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?

Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

As promised almost a year ago, I've finally listed my favorite hymns of all time. They strengthen us Christians and give us hope when we hear them. To me they are an essential part of a satisfying religious service...love organ music. As with all hymns, the version, the occasion, and how well they are sung are all-important.

1. Hyfrydol - Love Divine, All Loves Excelling


2. Cwm Rhondda - Guide Me, O Thou Redeemer


3.  Praise Ye The Lord, the Almighty


4. Lauda Anima - Praise My Soul the King of Heaven


5. What a Friend We Have in Jesus


6. Be Thou My Vision


7. Abide With Me


8. All My Hope on God is Founded


9. Come Ye Thankful People


10. Holy, Holy, Holy


11. Greensleeves - What Child is This?


12. Christ the Lord is Risen Today


13. Amazing Grace


14. God is Our Refuge and Our Strength


15. Lasst Uns Erfreuen - All Creatures of Our God and King


16. Thine Be the Glory


17. This is my Father's World


18. Repton - Dear Lord and Father of Mankind 


19. Silent Night 


20. It Came Upon A Midnight Clear 


21. Joy to the World 


22. O Come All Ye Faithful 


23. O Come, O Come, Emanuel


24. Wareham  - O Wondrous Sight


25.  All Glory, Laud and Honor


26. For the Beauty of the Earth 


27. Holy Father, Great Creator 


28. Immortal, Invisible, God Only Wise


29. Rockingham Old - When I survey the Wondrous Cross


30. We Gather Together


31. My Song is Love Unknown (updated 4.22.11) 


32. Jesus Christ is Risen Today (updated 4.23.11)


33.  The Strife is O'er, The Battle Done (updated 4.23.11)


34. O Praise Ye the Lord, Laudate Dominum (updated 5.1.11)


35. St. Magnus: The Head That Once Was Crowned With Thorns (updated 6.5.11)


36. Richmond: Awake, Arise, Lift Up Your Voice (updated 6.5.11)


37. Jesus Shall Reign Where'er The Sun (updated 8.14.11)
38. They are so beautiful. I have many, many more, but that is a list of my top favorites. My preference is definitely for very old hymns. These are not in any particular order. (Next, the CD?!...just kidding.) A quick way to get the tunes is to link, for example, to the website, cyberhymnal.org, and openhymnal.org (I recommend the mp3 version). I'm sure to have missed more. Which of your favorite hymns have I missed?



 
39.  

Gifts and Games: Findings from Positive Psychology

Try these 10 actions to get happier now:

 Give It Away, Give It Away Now! - G

 Take Initiative at Work - I

 Make Friends, Treasure Family - F

 Say Thank You Like You Mean It - T
Smile Even When You Don’t Feel Like It - S

 GIFTS

Have Meaningful Goals - G

Avoid Comparisons - A

 Put Money Low on the List - M

 Get Out and Exercise - E
Savor Everyday Moments - S

GAMES

 GIFTS and GAMES?
 Please forgive my anagrams.

More information in this article at  Alternet

Acknowledgements:
Jen Angel, Yes Magazine
Sonia Lyubomirsky, author, psychologist
E. Diener and R. Biswas-Diener and Stephen Post

Restoring Power to The Powerless With Love

The statistics in my last post regarding the zero percentage divorce rate of line repairmen challenged me to find out about it. Today, I got to put the idea to the test. The electrical power to the house had an outage and in came repairmen from the power company to fix the buried line going out to the street that is half a mile away. At first, I was upset that the company had hung up on my phone call when I reported it and they hadn't taken my address, causing me to call back. (I was upset when they asked for my customer service number in the pitch black when it was all I could do to get through to the toll-free number for outages.)

Anyway, Luis, the repairman, was very kind when I talked to him outside, and he noticed my necklace and complimented it. After getting over my surprise, I told him about my friends making jewelry and my own blog, and how I like to make jewelry, and he said he helps his wife make jewelry, too, part-time as well as elevating himself four floors above ground in a cherry-picker to cut cables as his full-time job.

The point is, he spoke very lovingly about his wife over and over again, and I was very impressed with his sweetness. He also told me about a location where his wife would be selling jewelry today, so I would have the opportunity to meet her. Of course, I went over and introduced myself to her. She also had enjoyed a very successful real estate career for nineteen years, which I wanted to hear more about. I had not ever heard two people so in love with each other and talking so well of the other for decades. 

It was very beautiful and at the time, I had forgotten about the statistic that line repairmen are among the least divorced of men. Turns out they were both divorced years before they met each other, thus challenging that statistic (not that I disapprove). They were in the same second grade classes and then met up many years later. Both of them say the other is the very best thing that happened to them, and so on. It was very nice and refreshing to hear such love and devotion in their voices, and it made a very romantic story.

So, while it may be true that the very first line repairman I spoke to would render the statistic false, at the same time, he proves that it doesn't make any more sense not to love another woman any more than it would be to stop eating and breathing, and restoring power to those without it. Thanks for the lesson, Luis!

Expressing Gratitude Frequently Produces Happiness

One way to practice being happy is to achieve it by altering one's state of mind with generosity, kindness and gratitude. This is done by consciously noting  instances of them in everyday life. Having greater frequency of them increases happiness.

The How of Happiness (p. 89-101) by S. Lyubomirsky has many related reports on psychological studies. This self-help guide should be deeply exciting to everyone in need of free, easy antidotes to depression. Certain participants in studies were asked to write  five things for which they were thankful, to count their blessings once a week for ten weeks in a row. They reported back having more optimism, life satisfaction and fewer physical symptoms. Other studies in the book have shown the count-your-blessings strategy produces many positive emotions such as interest, excitement, joy and pride, helping others, feeling connected with others, and sleeping better. 

One mother on the "Rachael Ray" television show suggested recording a few of these expressions from children daily before the evening meal while they are waiting. It may take weeks, but in time children will begin to focus more on the positive. These feelings of gratitude become more immediate, and turn into positive feelings of anticipation for  the future. They learn through positive reinforcement these activities will produce thankful feelings. It works. All ages can benefit from this game.

Help a Friend - "7 Simple Ways to be Happier": Health.com

Seven suggestions collected from an article in Health magazine should help you and your friends be happier and healthier. First letters are arranged to spell cap:
______________________________________________________
1) Sing and Dance - literally
2) Practice Being Happy - through states of mind such as generosity, kindness and gratitude
3) Exercise - physical activity tends to lift spirits
4) Live in the Moment  and Find Joy - make yourself feel better now
5) Lighten Up - smile, laugh, relax
6) Clear your mind. Take up prayer and meditation if you haven't already
7) Add Positivity not negativity to your life. Friends should be Positive. Surround yourself with loyal supporters, not people who consistently bring you down
 _____________________________________________________

Support Your Local Animal Shelter

S.A.V.E., A Friend to Homeless Animals, Princeton, New Jersey

Obtaining a pet at a shelter is a terrific idea. Shelters have wonderful dogs and cats of many breeds and need to move them to proper homes. Some pounds put down dogs and some shelters don't but all of them would prefer to place them. They are now trying all forms of communication media to find good homes to adopt pets. For example,

S.A.V.E. A Friend to Homeless Animals in Princeton, New Jersey

posts photos of many of

their pets up for adoption on Facebook

now. Shelters often encourage volunteer efforts. You might be able to take pets for walks if you contact your local shelter. These pets need your donations and all the extra loving attention they can get.

Marius, at SAVE in Princeton, New Jersey

Pets continue to stream into shelters in need of good homes, particularly following the recent turmoil in real estate. Perhaps owners didn't know that pets generally have life spans of ten to fifteen years or more. I would love to have a round of applause from my readers to Executive Director Piper Huggins who says S.A.V.E. employs locally and relies completely on generous donations. A Gala called "Race for Rescue" held last weekend drew widespread attendance. S.A.V.E. will need to move to a bigger location under renovation in a few years.

Is There A Secret To Women's Happiness?

Rodin, The Kiss

What can a man say to a woman, any woman, to make her feel happier?

The point is to maximize dreamy phrases. Go ahead and dare to be a dreamboat. Women will love you for it.

1) "You're beautiful" - They want to know they are at least beautiful to you, but then it's best to go further with what exactly makes them look so. Perhaps that's what he's whispering in her ear, above, but he's likely said it already lots of times.
2) "You're the best" - Of course, no one wants to be second best at anything, even if it is stretching the truth at times.
3) Notice a girl's moods. Comfort her if she's sad, and ask what's wrong if she's angry.
4) Please a girl at every opportunity. Tell girls you will do what they want to do and go along with them to please them, but don't cling. Offer action, but don't force a girl to do something she doesn't want to do.
5) "You know a lot" - For lots of women, it's their life's favorite hobby to learn a lot, so it's nice to be complimented for knowledge. After all, it doesn't subtract from a man's warehouse of knowledge.
6) "You're smart" - Be sincere, and think of an example. The easiest way is to acknowledge it when you hear and recognize it. Who wouldn't feel stronger with this sort of compliment?
7) Be ultra-communicative. Tease and flirt at every opportunity in a friendly way. Occasionally leave text or phone messages so your target doesn't forget about you. Return any message from a girl, no matter how vague (it's a gift of your attention she might not expect or feel appropriate to command). Err on the side of over-communicating if you're not sure. The other side can't always guess what you think.
8) Be confident. Remember to talk to her and answer her questions and make her feel equal to you and better about herself from all the attention she is getting from you. Never, ever, take giving her attention to an extreme and stalk a girl - it's a no-no, and alarming to any girl.
9) Be nice to her friends. She will judge you with them and them with you. She will consider your attitudes to her friends and family a sign of your social smoothness.
10) Be careful what you promise. Girls usually remember promises (it's a big deal, as in, wow, he promised) and will turn it against you if you forget. For example, don't say you'll call if you have no intention of doing so.
11) "You'll do well" - what a relief to hear, almost like hearing an astrology reading. Fun and loving to give a woman the benefit of the doubt. Don't be surprised if they giggle, but continue to reassure women with this dreamy phrase anyway.
12) "You cook well" - never, ever, I repeat, ever, tell a woman anything other than that she cooks well. Be very subtle with criticism as a general rule. All women want to think they cook well. It is as important as being clean and beautiful. It's not as if they think they are perfect, but they all want to believe they are better than average in the cooking department.
13) "Raising a woman's standard of living raises everyone's standard of living." Anyone believe for a second this is not true? This phrase reassures women and makes women feel more important.
14) Don't cheat. Don't be surprised she drops you if you cheat; expect it.

These are open secrets not just to the arts of seduction and how to seduce a woman, but how to get along better with women in general - all the women in your life. They are useful professionally as well as personally; common sense knows it, experience proves it.

Sorry, it's a bit late to wish you Happy Valentine's Day.  I was busy then.  I hope Happy Valentine's Month suffices.

How and Why To Pray: The Fire Within Us Is The Spirit

The Very Reverend Sam Lloyd gave the most recent Sunday Forum at the Washington National Cathedral as a talk about prayer and our spiritual lives. A dvd is available here to purchase at the National Cathedral website. His talk is all about being a Christian with the power of prayer, living a spiritual life and maintaining a life of prayer.

A central part of being a Christian, he says, is to say prayers and to have a pattern of prayer. This lecture tells how to pray and why prayer is awesome and desirable.

Dean Sam Lloyd tells of his own personal journey to a life of faith and prayer, and tells us how we, too, can improve our own spiritual lives. In his very gifted, warm and intelligent way, as a supremely educated and experienced preacher, everything he says inspires in this special talk.

He talks about how he experienced the Copernican revolution of what prayer is and what God is. He tells how he learned that we are not the center; the earth is not the center, according to Copernicus, but that light is the center of the universe and is where energy comes from. God is trying to connect with us. The Bible, he says, is God's quest for us. The heart of the Christian life, he says, is learning how to pay attention to a God who is coming to us, if we open ourselves up.

Psalm 139

1	O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me.
2	Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising;          thou understandest my thought afar off.

...

23  Search me, O God, and know my heart:          try me, and know my thoughts: 24  and see if there be any wicked way in me,          and lead me in the way everlasting.     King James Version.

All along, God has known us and is always there. He quotes from Isaiah 43:1 Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. God is always with us. He also recited by heart a beautiful old hymn, "I sought the Lord...always thou lovest me." In C.S. Lewis' autobiography Surprised by Joy, he says, the God we have been trying to reach has been trying even harder to reach us. St. Augustine also says prayer begins in our finding a space and openness to hear and notice and receive the God who has always been seeking us out. Prayer at its heart is profoundly receptive and passive. And it leads to great energy, passion and commitment, but it begins by our receiving God. Dean Sam Lloyd's second point is about the spiritual life and what we do with our lives. At the heart of our life is this desire for more. This restlessness is "at the heart of the human phenomenon." It drives people to do good and evil, and is the fire within. He refers to Ronald Rolheiser in The Holy Longing: The Search for a Christian Spirituality about the fire within. It is a fire for goodness, love, longing and connection that drives us beyond ourselves. We should aim for a spiritual life that honors that fire within us. This idea goes back to the Greeks, Hebrews and St. Paul; the fire within us is the spirit of God trying to be in us. The spirit and energy and fire propels us. To long for God is to experience God. The fire within us is the life of the spirit within us. We are all in God as fish are in water. The third major point in this talk is about how it isn't easy to maintain the life of prayer in today's busy world. He believes life is meant to be lived from a divine center. As Thomas Kelly says,  there is a "divine abyss within us all." Thomas Merton said there is a true self and a partial self. People in the West think they are who they think they are, instead of knowing they are deeper. The true self is deeper than who we think we are. The idea is to create a pattern of spaciousness to allow enough quiet for God to be heard. He is immersed in the world and in our lives and speaks to us. The spiritual life is about learning to listen, says Dean Sam Lloyd.  He advised us to take ten minutes a day to be still and learn to create an open space to listen to this Deeper Spirit. We can read scriptures if it helps to open our hearts. As St. John said in John 15:3, "I am the vine and you are the branches" for we are all one with Jesus. Prayer can help us think and feel new things, and help us learn how to listen. We can ask for God's help for anything we want, confess our sins, and be honest. By taking the time to be still, prayer is about being present in the moment, and the goal is to create a life that is attentive to God.  Dean Sam Lloyd suggests a goal for Lent is to have a deeper prayer life. Most of the Sunday Forum talks are available linked here to buy on dvd and are well-worth watching. This writing is not in any way sanctioned or approved of by the National Cathedral. The writer is grateful to the National Cathedral for the opportunity to write and learn about these modern issues at the intersection of faith and public life. Please give generously to the Washington National Cathedral.

A Politeness Test For the Smart and Polite Commenter

I guess it would make me happier if online commenters would stop and think before they send in a comment and take a politeness check. I'm not referring to comments on this site, but in general on the internet:

1.Would you be embarrassed to hear your comment repeated to a live audience, perhaps on television, at school or church, or at your funeral?
2. Would you likely get permission, encouragement and approval to send it from your grandparents, your parents, your children, bosses or significant others?
3. Is every word included and spelled perfectly?
4. Is the grammar perfect?
5. Are the sentences complete?
6. Did you even know the opposite sex usually find graphic anatomical references silly and primitive and ignore them? Same with expletives?
7. Put the comment in perspective. Will the comment show knowledge on the part of the sender or ask a legitimate question, or does the commenter just trash aspects, and sometimes even the writer, of the article because of the freedom to do so?
8. Why does the commenter want to hurt the writer with thoughtless comments? Imagine receiving the comment - how would it make you feel?
9. If the commenter isn't sure if a comment might hurt anyone, why not set it aside and read it again later, before sending it?
10. Can a commenter have the humility to admit to a possible mistake and not send a comment labored on and usually typed in haste, if it might not be appropriate?

If a comment doesn't pass with 'yes' to all the above, maybe it's better to delete it and not send it. Truth is important but some comments aren't. They can, at their worst, be toxic, useless and in Rumsfeld's words "notably unhelpful".

Since their inceptions, I have admired the achievements of sites like HuffPost and Daily Beast for fresh news. Professionals in many fields now have the opportunity to air their stories in online forums. Previously, they didn't have the chance and their views were aggregated together in sound bites and commoditized by the more mainstream journalistic venues.

These are people who know what they are writing about, feel strongly enough to write an article, and are literate enough to write an article for all to see. They can be royalty, experts and scientists at heights of lifelong careers giving away the fruits of their knowledge for free. I think of this as a good thing, much as I still like investigative journalism.

The down side to these and other sites to me are the Comment sections after an article I like. Eyes stray on them, whether one consciously intends to; it often can't be helped. It hurts me to think how laceratingly bone-crushing some negative comments must be for the experts who have spent the time to write for free and whose generous intentions were to impart first hand knowledge. Those comments can bite even other commenters who have added an innocent comment only to find it pounced on and flamed.

bridal.aruba.com

The world used to be kinder and softer, when extreme criticism wasn't as close and aggressive a neighbor as it has become in the online world. True, reading news isn't the same as to have a satisfying fireside flaming-hot dinner with candles. Some would disagree even with that and say reading news can be preferable, no doubt.

My point is that when some disagree online, whether they intend to or not, they abuse innocent writers and readers, often graphically, in an impolite way. In gratitude, they throw away in public disgust the fresh fruit of their most revered hosts and hostesses. Impolite comments can drive out good commenters who stop reading them, and everyone can lose  by missing out on reading full ranges of ideas. Home-made comments are the verbal equivalents of roadside bombs or bomb missiles, and avoided in some sites, especially if the first ones turn off viewers.

Impolite commenters  must not realize how powerful, potentially harmful and dangerous they are. Their statements will likely be seen by the author of the article. Commenters aren't generally vetted on the internet, but their gender, if not their age, often can be guessed, by their command of the language, choice of words and grammar usage.

Make sure your comments are responsible uses of your freedom and power. Know that your comments can cause others to perhaps form negative opinions of you. Hostile comments intended to provoke tend to be useless and hurtful.

V. Van Gogh, Parable of the Good Samaritan

The Golden Rule from the Bible (Matt.#22:39) should apply to commenters: Do unto others as you would have done unto you. I'm all for the truth and free speech. It's a worthwhile skill to combine them and help others with a gentle touch.

National Cathedral: The Very Rev. Samuel T. Lloyd III

The Very Reverend Samuel T. Lloyd III gave a special inspirational presentation last Sunday morning in the Sunday Forums series before the Advent service about how Christmas has enormous potential to change our lives. My greatly simplified notes cannot do justice to this eminent gifted preacher’s power of persuasion and gifted eloquence. It can be seen in its splendid entirety here at Washington’s National Cathedral site at nationalcathedral.org.

Dean Lloyd talked about Christmas from the perspective of commerce, history, theology, politics. The final, most important aspect he explains is "Christmas Now," our own celebrations, as we each experience a holiday that has the power to sustain us all through the year.

photo: Episcopal Church
The Very Rev. Samuel T. Lloyd III

The first aspect of Christmas, the commercial side, has cultural pieces that add to the richness and is a recent dimension. Dean Lloyd said that the American Christmas took off in New York in the early part of the 1900s. Christmas celebration shopping began after the Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade in the 1920s in an even bigger way.

The historical dimension of Christmas is part of the conviction that makes us Christians. For Jesus was born in Bethleham, 4-6 A.D. He lived, grew and died near there. Powerful stories tell us about the birth. And while details of His birth are elusive, they are mentioned in Matthew and Luke. History suggests that God became flesh at one point.

The theological aspect of Christmas has to do with Mary giving birth to her Creator. The main idea is that in this life and moment, something significant took place for all time; that God took on flesh among us.

The political aspect was the threat to Herod who wanted to destroy a new king who posed a threat to his empire and all they believed. This counter King Jesus being born would change the world forever, and be a King of peace, compassion, love, justice and healing.

"Christmas Now" is what Christmas means now to our souls and spirit. What happened then happens now. Dean Lloyd refers to Hymn 79, "O Little Town of Bethlehem": Christ is born of Mary. "Christmas is a phenomenon that is happening now." Christmastime is when our soul is able to receive Christ in. It can happen, will happen and can have a huge impact. Dean Lloyd says that it is tragic if we ignore our spiritual beings.

He referred to Theological Germanica, a text from 1350, has a description of the idea that we live our lives with two eyes. We tend to live engaged in the mundane present with one eye. The other eye is meant to see eternal beauty, depth and the connectedness of all things. Spiritual life is about keeping both eyes open.

Dean Lloyd referred to Beatrice Bruteau who says that “seeing the fullness of a person is like seeing a rose.” We inhabit the tips of the rose, while it is the center that holds us and all the universe together. We want to maintain the vision of the rose. Dean Lloyd says that when we focus on the mundane, we lose our way and forget what’s important. We need to maintain our sense of connectedness.

Dean Lloyd says that the rich power of the Christmas story is to deepen our life now. Christ is continually being born and being in our lives and is part of the enormous possibility of what’s happening now. The angelic visitations in the Christmas story are about how we live in a world where there are divine messengers all the time. God is getting through to us in our daily lives if we pay attention to the messengers. God is speaking to us through them, he says.

The historicity of the virginity of Mary makes the point is that Mary was ready, willing and open. She was willing to make room for this gift to come. It is thought that she was not promised for marriage to explain the idea of her virginity. The challenge is for us to be more open, to create a space where God can come in, in a surprising way.

ChristmaSpirit.com

The urgent message of Christmas, says Dean Lloyd, is that someone is willing to receive a message, a message that entails waiting. The messenger and messages come when we are ready and open to receive. That waiting, openness and availability are important aspects of the Christmas story as it relates to us personally.

We should rejoice that God has found us, says Dean Lloyd, for the great mystery behind love will come. It makes us “re-scramble our paradigms.” We tend to spend a lot of time making sure our inner psychic structure doesn’t get threatened. That self-discipline is good, but we need to let in God’s angels, so God can say something fresh through His messengers.

To allow ourselves to be open requires us to trust there is a Grace who will go with us and not desert us. The Angel says “do not be afraid” and Mary says, “yes... how can this be?” that something has "come to claim me?" Mary says yes to living with both eyes open, that she won't go alone. Christmas says we are made for union with God and with each other. We are meant to pay attention to the story. We’re intended to have silent nights all of our lives. Christmas is about a new King who seems part of making a different kind of world.

In the open question period, Dean Lloyd was asked by the audience:

1) How should we think about Easter?

Dean Lloyd says that it’s a secret that Christmas and Easter are telling the same story. It’s one story, and two different places in the same story. It’s a story about calling us into the life we were made for. It changes the way we feel about our lives. The story has a “surplus of meaning.” It’s like a story of standing next to a waterfall and the best we can do is hold a tin cup to catch a little water and pass it along.

Niagara Falls. Photo: E. Seymour

2) How can Christianity be reconciled with major world religions and Christmas expressed in an ecumenical stage so that the story becomes a universal message?

Dean Lloyd says that all religions share the vision of God who has been everywhere. Christians believe that Christ is the defining insight of who God is, in the body of Jesus of Nazareth. We follow Him and He teaches us to respect and love and honor other traditions.

3) How can we overcome the sometimes overwhelming cultural aspects of our Christmas?

We need to learn to nurture and cultivate the Christmas message of hope, Dean Lloyd answers, the ways of staying loving, hopeful, alive, generous and connected rather than frightened, anxious, closed down and pulled into ourselves. We need to listen and create the space for God in our daily lives. We need to listen, create space for God and trust that life will enter in, and it is a thing of grace. We can contribute to the Christmas story by being people of hope.

Dean Lloyd observes that the Christmas story has the rich power to deepen our lives now. Christ is continually being born and being in our lives, giving us work to do and is part of the enormous possibility of what’s happening now.

author’s note: If he hasn’t already, Dean Lloyd could make wonderful books of official collections and recollections of his presentations and sermons and conversations. They’d greatly benefit many lay and pastoral readers.

This effort has not been requested or acknowledged by the National Cathedral. Any mistakes and inaccuracies are wholly my own. The presentation is available online in its entirety and should be checked to verify.

Washington's National Cathedral Forum Discussion: Esther Sternberg M.D.

Wastwater -- "England's Deepest Lake" -- Cumbria, U.K.

Dr. Esther Sternberg, an expert in psychoneuroimmuology, was a guest of The Very Reverend Samuel T. Lloyd III in his weekly conversation in Washington's National Cathedral about issues at the intersection of faith and public life.

photo: Episcopal Church
The Very Rev. Samuel T. Lloyd III

Dr. Sternberg is Chief of the Section on Neuroendocrine Immunology and Behavior at the National Institute of Mental Health, and has written many books, the most recent called Healing Spaces. She also has a film on PBS next week called the Science of Healing.

Dr. Esther Sternberg

Dean Lloyd began the discussion with a wonderful introduction. He observes that physical spaces impact our health when we consider architecture and space. Where are these spaces from which we can derive health, well-being, perhaps even happiness?

Bishop's Garden, The National Cathedral, Washington, D.C.

Dr. Sternberg replies that the National Cathedral itself inspires a sense of awe that lights up the endorphins in the hippocampus part of the brain. The Bishop's Garden could be the most peaceful, healing space in the city, she says. The sense of awe inspired by spaces is an emotion that has a physical impact.

Wastwater Lake, Lake District, Cumbria, U.K.              Photo: E. Seymour

Impacts to the body and brain in general can affect the immune system positively or negatively depending on what they are, and for how long they continue. Patients may heal faster by viewing scenes of natural landscapes. The preferred scenes are beautiful sweeping vistas of mountains, valleys and oceans and these tend to be preferred to factories with smoke pictures.

From Great Gable summit, The Lake District, Cumbria, UK

Dr. Sternberg says your endorphins light up when you look at a beautiful view. For this reason, evidence-based design is coming into the design of spaces for healing. Hospitals are becoming more aware of this need. Hospitals used to be designed with tile and metal surfaces for cleanliness when that was discovered to be essential for healing. An exception is at hospitals for the mentally ill, which have often been surrounded by nature. But this idea is coming back into vogue as more doctors acknowledge the importance of the place and emotions on healing.

Cathedral in Lourdes, France           wikimedia

Dr. Sternberg gave the example of the town of Lourdes in France, which attracts pilgrims seeking healing. There is a sense of love and permission to help others all around.

Healing can happen in any-sized space between two loving individuals who care and support each other.

Santiago de Compostela

Another famous place of healing is in Spain at Santiago de Compostela where the sense of smell can remind one of a place of peace. Frankincense, as used in incense, was once thought to be healing. Myrrh and balm (from the balsam tree) were healing resins, used by Roman soldiers to heal wounds.

"Prolegomena to future research"~ The Very Rev. Samuel T. Lloyd III

Healing spaces: The Science of Place and Well-being by Esther Sternberg

The discussion turned to the healing strength one can feel from walking a labyrinth such as one at the National Cathedral. The idea is to walk around "to find a place of peace" in a walking meditation. Meditating is helpful to activate "neural pathways"in the brain. The endorphins and dopamine in the brain become activated and we downshift from stress. Dr. Sternberg says that chronic stress can make you sick by preventing your immune system from healing you.

Labyrinth, National Cathedral, Washington, D.C.

 Music, too, can take you to a different emotional place. Any time your nerve pathways are positively activated is healthy.

How should home design incorporate design to promote good health? Dr. Sternberg says that the medical community is becoming more aware that thoughtful evidence-based design can be beneficial rather than stressful. Thinking can affect positive behaviors and healing. The most powerful of healing spaces is in your mind, says Dr. Sternberg. She says that conscious and unconscious thoughts and experiences can influence health and influence your negative and positive emotional responses. Since stress can make you ill, you want to incorporate peaceful elements into hospital and home design.

The Center for Health Design in Concord, California, helps hospitals make designs to support the emotions. The idea is that design can take science back into the healing process. The costs of these healthful designs, she says, can be recouped the first year. There tend to be fewer falls and bacterial infections, and more satisfaction from patients, staff and families.

Beautiful art can be healing. Exercise, even walking, and socializing are also important to health and healing, and contribute to the statistics that New York City is considered such a healthy city to live in...

Feng Shui, an ancient Chinese tradition, for example at the Huntington Garden in San Marino, California is a system of understanding place as it affects emotions. The idea is that it can bring you to a place of peace.

Huntington Garden, San Marino, California

Dr. Sternberg says that the brain and immune system talk to each other. If they are intact, you have your health; if they are broken, you have disease. Emotions play a very important role in healing and health. Awe, peace and calmness are healing.

The holiday season tends to be stressful, and anything like walking in a garden can be useful. The memory and the mind are the most powerful of healing spaces.

Dean Lloyd says that we all have an inner Cathedral space, as we have the National Cathedral space in Washington, D.C.

Feel Better and Healthier - Come to the National Cathedral!

I enjoyed seeing the Sunday Forum Discussion and two wonderful, healing services at the National Cathedral online. Please donate generously to the National Cathedral.

The entire discussion is available at the National Cathedral website linked here.

PBS Television special: "The Science of Healing with Dr. Esther Sternberg" MPT 12/11/09 10:30pm Nationwide Nov./Dec. 2009 (check local listings). Also, see EstherSternberg.com.

This post is not acknowledged or requested by the cathedral, and any mistakes and inaccuracies are wholly my own. Corrections should be directed to me.

The Stresses of Raising Teenagers

The under-appreciated stresses of raising teenagers is the flip side of shows like "Teens of New York". There are stresses inherent in raising children that childless or single people don't realize. The problems aren't that teachers don't teach or take good care of teenagers, they do much more than that; teachers and parents together form the lives of teenagers that they will take with them as they mature.

The stresses have more to do with circumstances many teenagers experience. They are almost grown up, but they have a lot more growing up to do before they're self-sufficient. They want more freedom, but they can't afford to have it.

They want to go places. And when friends can't go, teenagers want parents to stand in and take them anyway, at times. Whether it's movies or rock shows, parents have some opportunities they're drafted for, whether they want to have any part of them or not.

Whether it's ballerina, music or soccer practices, parents are expected to encourage and cheerlead their kids. In the suburbs, they get involved intensely with sports and hobbies, only sometimes by choice. Of course, the demands can take on a life of their own, and take over the lives of the parents. Parents will do things they didn't ever think possible, just to please or entertain their kids.

Of course, the stress level is less physical than it was when children are babies, up every night and crying with colic during meals. But when they are older, they need attention and love and money from time to time. They need parental support. They need car drives, vacations, and they need financial backing.

Where does all that leave parents? Feeling a great deal of stress! How can it not be stressful to try to constantly be all things to a loved one? It's clearly impossible. Parents all have different capacities and strengths. They can offer money in differing amounts. They can offer teenagers their energy driving them to hockey or ballet classes. They can help them with homework depending on their intellectual capabilities and emotional capacities. They can offer teenagers their life-learned lessons of advice.

Where's the stress? When parents feel they don't live up in some way to the entanglements that are at the hearts of the lives of teenagers. Teenagers' relationships with their friends sometimes are influenced by how far away from each other they live, by how much parents will help out, and by how much money parents will fork over to pay for entertainment, lessons and clothes, even private schools and cars. Peripheral concerns such as summer schools and higher education, the social standing, education and employment of parents might influence teenagers as well in their choices of friends. Then there are the issues of frequency of communication, distance, quality of vacations, and comparing modes of transportation to the vacations spots. It's inevitable that kids use these as talking points, sometimes bragging either in the classroom or socially.

Teenagers usually tell their parents constantly about how well they stack up to "the Joneses". Parents can't usually do much about it. They are what and who they are. Teenagers just have to accept their circumstances, and they are impatient to be independent.

Spreading Fame, Money and Happiness On The Internet

Anyone who attended the recent Youtube-led 789gathering in New York can attest that fame, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder and spreads especially quickly on the internet. Did you know that Youtube actually sponsors (i.e. pays salaries to) top video makers? Youtube video stars were out in force earlier this month of July, 2009, in Central Park to the delight of many fans at the conference event.

Imagine my surprise to hear exactly a claim that was leveled at the internet in its early years, echoed by Julia Child, one of the first and most successful of all food show stars. She says in her autobiography, My Life in France




that in 1962, she:

"knew nothing at all about television -- other than the running joke that this fabulous new medium would thrive on how-to and pornography programs."

Fleeting fame being created on the internet is inspiring the study of fame as a new field of exploration in psychology. Who knew?

"A new psychology study helps explain why some stars burn bright, long, long after their talent has faded – if it ever was there to begin with.

Simply put, says Nathanael Fast of Stanford University in California, people need something to talk about. The human desire to find common ground in conversation pushes us to discuss already popular people, he says."...

Mark Schaller, a psychologist at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Canada, agrees..."It does provide an answer to the question of why fame is self-perpetuating, even when the famous person isn't doing anything fame-worthy anymore." What is less clear is how people, ideas and practices become prominent in the first place, Schaller says.
New Scientist

Is Sarah Palin's "famous at being famous" talent encouraging ongoing media scrutiny? Many journalists and television entertainers have stabilized their careers on Palin impersonations and commentary. Could Palin discourage the media at her will or pleasure?

It's clear that the more we learn about happiness and the ways we learn to achieve it the happier we'll be. Those of us who are less famous can take comfort in a Stanford study that suggests:

Having lots of money, good looks and fame may sound like a sure ticket to happiness, but a new study suggests otherwise...“The attainment of extrinsic, or ‘American Dream,’ goals does not contribute to happiness at all in this group of people, but it actually does contribute to some ill being”

said study author Edward Deci, a psychology professor. The study is published in the June issue of The Journal of Research in Personality. Perhaps this study could apply to overpaid company executives.

Most people who both have had and haven't had money agree that it's preferable to have money. Not having any money can contribute to depression.

An excellent new paperback called "Welcome To Your Brain" by Princeton Psychology professor Sam Wang,




and psychologist Sandra Aamodt suggests ways to lift mild depression.

Focus on positive events:

"Every evening for a month, write down three good things that happened that day and explain what caused each of them. This exercise increased happiness and reduced symptoms of mild depression within a few weeks, and the effects lasted for six months, with particularly good outcomes for people who continued to do the exercise."

Three other ways they suggest to achieve happiness are to:

1) sleep well; it's a bigger determinant of happiness than higher income

2) have sex, even alone; it rates higher than socializing with friends

3) set and achieve realistic goals.

Fame, money, happiness. What is your secret desire?